when I was young uh around 7 8 years old I develop panic attacks I had panic attacks when I was young and this panic attack is very very strong and fearful and um although I had nice family my father was great meditation teacher and my mother was very nice kind and she care of me more than herself and we have lot of nice friends but although I have very good envir enironment loving family but Panic was follow me as like Shadow even there's no big problem I see big problem I have fear I have fear to the Natural like uh thundering and a ding a lightning and thundering and wind blowing to Stone and fear to the sters many things then I'm looking for solutions for my problems and sometime I went to the caves because I was born in northern part of Nepal right middle of the Himalayan Mountains we have a lot of nice mountains and in the mountain there's nice caves I been to the cave and sit there and pretending that I'm meditating I have no idea about meditation but I just sit there and I found one technique of meditation I I'm not going to tell you now this little secret I will tell you later don't worry be patient and uh and I tell a little bit then especially when I was uh uh around 9 years old I asked my father to teach me meditation and he accept and he uh begin to teach me meditation techniques and I was very happy of during that time but I'm lazy boy also uh I like meditation very much but I don't like meditate uh but then when I was around uh 13 years old that time I was in India the place called shling Monastery there was traditional through your retreat going to begin in Shing then I thought oh I should join through your retreat then I asked uh my father to ask the head of the our mon which his and his accept me need to join threee Retreat that threeyear Retreat is this Center where everybody sit together and each one has their own room and in the room there's a meditation box something like this high like this you know like box what we call meditation box and we sit in the balls for whole three years trying to practice meditation and first three year Retreat my Panic get worse and uh I have fear for every especially We join group prayers means everybody gather together in big hole and we pray together and we use lot of music music instruments that's what this R I think if you translate in English maybe you can say horns big horns and noisy and we telling you and the symol in the big one and this noise drive me crazy we don't have to change this too long every day maybe 2 hours and uh between two to 3 hours morning one and half hours after than 1 and half hours like that but even that makes a big problem for me and sometime I I have to go out of the pray hole the middle of pray I have to go out because these noise are too loud for me and and during that time I was so unhappy that my panics very become very strong get worse then one day I ask question to myself because I learn lot of meditation techniques from my father and other great teachers such as his and but I'm not really applying these meditation techniques with my panics this why then I asked a question the question was do you still want to spend two more years like this way or do you really want to apply meditation technique with your penic you know I asked this question for a few days then in the end I thought now I'm really going to apply my meditation technique with my Panic with my panic attacks I decide to apply meditation technique with my panic attacks then I sat in my room for two days even I didn't join the group prayers only by myself alone in my room and try to practice meditation with a panic how I use my Panic as support for meditation and I will tell you this um more later this is the main important point of this meditation here this why I will tell you more about this later but main important here is I'm using my Panic as support for my my meditation Panic become object of the meditation so nice
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