Michael’s Stress Relief – The Office US

[chanting] Ommm… Ommm… [still chanting] Everybody sit on the floor Indian style like meeee…. Ommmm…. My god, if you're wearing a dress, please keep your knees together. Nobody wants to see that, ommmm… Ommm… My goal is to make this office as peaceful a place for Stanley Hudson as I can. And I think sounds have a lot to do with that. Here are some downloaded peaceful sounds. [ethereal instrumental music] [sad, calm instrumental music] That one makes me think… … of death. [music continues] It's kinda nice. [speaking soothingly] It is… a beautiful sunny day as we walk through the meadow… that is very… spiritual and relaxing… and there are flowers, and it is sunny and beautiful. Now, up ahead… a castle in the distance. [Jim] Don't open your eyes. [Pam] … what? Oh. And you walk up, toward the castle… And inside the castle are…

Four men, and each of them — none of them have shoes, and they give you a funny cigarette and you feel even more relaxed… And then, you want ice cream. You want a big bowl of ice cream. So what kind of ice cream do you want? Yell it out. [Meredith] Chunky Monkey.
[Michael] Too expensive. [Stanley] Chocolate.
[Michael] Racism is dead, Stanley. You can have any kind of ice cream you want. What do you want? [device beeping] What is that? People, please. I told you to get rid of the cell phones. It's my bio-feedback machine. Oh. Okay, what is that? Like a video game? It alerts me when my stress level goes up so I can try to calm down. You have stress? [sternly] Yes. During our relaxation exercise? [Phyllis] Let me get you some water. No, no, I'll help you. I'll help you up. Here we go. No.. Michael, would you — would you step back, please? Okay. Alright.
[Stanley] Little further. Okay… [beeping slows, then stops] [beeping starts] [speeding up] [slowing and stopping] I think that thing is on the fritz.

[sighs] Oscar, would you reach over and touch his thing? That's what he said! Right, guys? 'Cuz of gay. [Michael] Hellooo–
[beeping starts rapidly] Michael, I think YOU'RE whats stressing everybody out. [rapid beeping continues] So, it wasn't Dwight after all. Looks like I am the killer. You never expect that you're the killer. It's a… great twist. Great twist..

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