[ Telephone rings in distance ] [ Lock clicks ] -Last week,
I gave a fire-safety talk… [ Clears throat, key clangs ] …and nobody
paid any attention. It's my own fault
for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn
in lots of different ways, but experience
is the best teacher. Today,
smoking is gonna save lives. [ Door closes ] Does anyone
smell anything smoky? -Did you
bring your jerky in again? [ Clears throat loudly ] -Oh, my God!
Uh, oh, my God! -Fire!
-Oh! Fire?! Oh, my goodness!
What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
-The phones are dead.
-Oh, how did that happen? -It's out in the hall.
-No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming
through an air duct. -Oh, my God!
Okay, it's happening. Everybody stay calm.
-What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure? -Stay [bleep] calm!
-Wait, wait, wait! -Everybody
just [bleep] calm down! -No! No, Michael, no!
Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be
a fire in the hallway. -What does warm mean? -Oh, my gosh.
Try a different door. -Not a viable option.
What next? -Don't run!
-Try the other door. -Oh, here's a door.
Check that one out. How's the handle?
-I-It's warm. -Okay, go to the back door.
-Well, another option. Another op-tion!
Geez! Okay, settle down, everyone!
No bunching. -Oh, I forgot my purse.
-Leave it, woman! -Get out of the way.
Go, go, go! -Things can be replaced,
Phyllis. People — human lives —
however, can — -[ Groans ] -Aah! My hand!
That's hot! -Aah!
This one's hot, too! -Okay, we're trapped.
Everyone for himself! -Okay.
-Let's go! -Get out of my way!
-Let's go! -Get out of my way.
-Okay, okay! Calm, please.
-Get out of the way! -Have you ever seen
a burn victim? -Move it!
-Okay! Procedure, procedure.
Exit options.
Where do we go, folks?
-It's okay. [ Cat meows ]
-Use a what to cover the mouth? A what?
A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures.
What are the options? Okay, that's a wrong way.
We've already tried that. Remember your exit points.
Exit points, people. -Oscar.
-What's next, huh? -Oscar!
-Stay alive! I'm getting help! -Pull me up!
-You're too heavy! -I only weigh 82 pounds.
[ Cat growls ] Save Bandit!
[ Cat meows ] [ Banging, cat yowls ] -How about 911?
Anyone? 911. [ Glass shatters ] [ Banging, glass shatters ] -[ Coughing ]
-What do we do? -Use the surge
of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making. Okay, I am not dying here.
Come on. -[ Coughing ]
[ Firecrackers popping ] -Oh! What is that?!
What is that?! -The fire's shooting at us! -What in the name of God
is going on?! [ Coughing ]
[ Fire alarm ringing ] -Grab it.
-Battering ram! -Aah!
-Go, go, go, go, go! Aah!
[ Crashing ] -Aah! [ Glass shatters ] -Help!
Help! -Oh, my God!
[ Crashing ] [ Air horn blares ] -Attention! Employees of Dunder-Mifflin, this has been a test
of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire.
It was only a simulation. -What?!
-Fire not real. This was merely
a training exercise.
[ Crashing ] So, what have we learned? Oh, come on.
It's not real, Stanley. -Oh, my God.
-Don't have a heart attack. -No, no, no, no, no!
You will not die. Stanley! Stanley!
You will not die! Stanley!
Stanley! Barack is president!
You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him
mouth-to-mouth. -No, no, no. Don't give him
mouth-to-mouth for this. -He's gonna swallow his tongue.
Open your mouth. -Michael. Michael. -Don't swallow it!
I'm fine! Leave me — -[ Grunts ]
-I'm saving him!
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